know the code…
I realized recently, upon visiting a few churches, that there is an undeniable and unspoken code to which all youth pastors are bound when visiting other churches. For those of us looking to get new ideas and learn stuff from people smarter than us here’s the code:
1) Never use the phrase: “Can I pick your brain?” ever.
Maybe it’s just an overused youth ministry idea-swapping phrase. Maybe it’s passe. Maybe the whole notion of brain picking feels eerily similar to other things that are picked (i.e.: scabs, noses, ears, ingrown hairs). Better to avoid it all together.
2) Assume that you are an imposition.
You’re probably likable. But, everyone, it turns out is really busy. I found that by asking how we might be able to minimize our impact on the ministry around us, people were willing to give us far more than we asked.
3) You’re awkward in room of students who don’t know you.
You may have a tattoo (I don’t. Jared, who joined me on the trip, does. My wife does too). You may rock the latest in hipster fashion. You may prefer V-Necks to crew necks and euro-style carryall’s over backpacks… But, you’re still an adult and, in most settings, being aware of the fact that students are suspicious of uninvited adults is probably something you ought to realize.
4) Respect the sacredness of their stuff
Everyone has their way and their things they hold dear. Some ministries held a program really sacred (asking to join it seemed a little like a violation of personal space). Others saw a training manual or a curriculum as a part of the inner sanctum of their youth ministry. Showing a modicum of respect in these things seemed to get us a lot of credibility.
5) Ask about them (not just the programs)
Youthworkers everywhere are in a similiar boat. Taking a moment to get to know the people we met with somehow made the world a little less complicated. In the instances where the other ministries didn’t have time to “be buddies”, at least an acknowledgment of that fact seemed to be appreciated.
6) Assume a learning posture
They don’t have all the answers. Their context is different. But, everyone can learn something from everyone else. Try to avoid talking about how your own program is superior to the one you’re visiting. Simply take it in. Learn it. Embrace it. Remember, on a visit, you’re hoping to gain something from them.
7) You can’t see the whole picture in one visit.
Churches have their own culture, their own schedule, and their own “vibe”. You can ask about programs, staff, and vision. But, one meeting is really enough to get just an impression.
8) Don’t lead with: “How many students do you have?”
Everyone wants to know it. But, it makes you seem shallow if you lead with it. If you can find it out without asking (by your superior powers of intuition, counting seats, multiplying the number of small group leaders by the average small group size, or asking someone not on the youth ministry team), all the better. This isn’t the most important question. It’s someone else’s metric, not yours. 100 people could be awesome if the youth ministry used to be 3. 100 could be a disaster if the youth ministry used to be 3000. And remember, numbers are AN INDICATOR not a GOAL.
I’m sure there’s more. I probably should’ve stopped at 7 (the way Jesus would’ve wanted it). But, I thought of 8. If you have 2 more to make an even 10, offer them up. Remember, KNOW THE CODE on your next visit.
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